Russia's Third Nipple
by Ranchel
Summary: Beware, Hungary is angry! In the middle of a world conference she reveals a secret Russia has been keeping a long time. One-Shot. Human and nation names used. Please read the introduction inside.


A/N: This fic is based on an episode of Friends. The last part of the fic has Russia/Hungary pairing, if you don't like it don't read that part, it isn't essential.

**Disclaimer: **Hetalia and all its characters belong to Hidekaz Himaruya, not me. I don't own Friends either.

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><p>"SILENCE" cried Ludwig "It's Hungary's turn to speak. Please, expose your complaints"<p>

Elisaveta turned to look at a smiling Ivan with an angry face.

"I just want to let you know that I won't accept that insult to my country and to my memory"

"Oh, come on Hungary, it's just a small art exhibition"

"You are exposing the works of art your soldiers plundered from my country, and I won't accept it" she said, standing up and knocking down the chair she was sitting on.

"Hungary, please, don't be angry at me. I didn't know it would bother you so much" Ivan answered with the smile still on his face.

"Oh, just as it doesn't bother you, umm... HAVING A THIRD NIPPLE!" all eyes turned to look at the surprised face of Ivan, who wasn't smilig anymore.

"Eh? Me?... t-that's a lie" Ivan laughed nervously "and besides, how would she know that?" Ludwig was to shocked to put order in the room.

"I don't know, maeby I saw it while you raped me" said Elizaveta.

"I knew it, I knew it, you commie bastard, you raped them all!" yelled Alfred, pointing at him with an accusing finger.

"Will you shut up, America! Don't you see she is lying" Ivan looked at Elizaveta "I remember she was more than willing to do it" Roderich's face was priceless and Gilbert took the opportunity to take a photo with his mobile.

"YOU GOT HER DRUNK AND THEN YOU FORCED HER!" Alfred yelled back.

A purple aura surounded Ivan before he lunged at the American.

"Okay, okay, stop you two" said Arthur while separating them "we're not here to start another Cold War. And now Russia, pleas, show us that nipple"

"WHAT? No!. There is nothing to see, it's just a tiny bump" Ivan said puting an arm over his chest as if to shield himself from prying eyes.

He didn't notice Fracis approaching slowly from behing him. The French, with all the experience he had, took hold of the Russian's sweater and undershirt and took the off with a fluid motion. Ivan tried to cover himself but Fracis had already run to the other side of the room with his upper clothes.

"It's totally like a little volcano in the center of his chest" said Felix.

"Okay, stop it now!" cried Ivan "It's just a bump and it's totally useless, besides, it's all Ludwig's fault!" he said pointing at the blonde German.

"My fault?"

"Yes. During WWII, when you invade me, my goverment had to move my capital to Kuybyshev until 1943. It was just temporary, but one mornig I woke up with this thing in my chest!" Ludwig slumped into his chair, tired of the constant reminder of his dark past.

Ivan finally pulled his clothes from the hands of Francis and put the on again. Why did all wolrd mrttings had to with them fighting.

All the scandal had woke Antonio from his _siesta_ ans he looked curiously at the scene. Finally he spoke.

"I don't know why you find that so strange" the spaniard said pointingat Ivan's now covered chest "I have one of those too"

He lifted his shirt so taht every nation could see the little bulge on his taned chest.

"During the Civil War, as Franco and the Germans" he throw a glare at Ludwig who rolled his eyes "were advancing towards Madrid, my government move to Valencia, and during a little period it became my capital"

"Frère, you never told me you had that problem" said Fracis.

"¡A buenas horas, mangas verdes!" Antonio laughed at all the confused faces.

The French glared at hem, he was the only one who undestood what he said.

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><p>The ride home was deadly quiet. Ivan had accept to take her home because her bike was broken. His Honda Civic advanced silently through the highway. Of course Ivan could afford a more expensive car, but his communist perior had made him a thrifty man. She looked at his concentrated face.<p>

"I'm sorry, I didn' mean to say you raped me and all..." he looked at her briefly.

"Don't worry, tou were right. I should have ask you before exposing your paintings" Elizaveta looked at him.

He hadn't smiled since the end of the conferece and that was a rare thing in him. Something else was bothering him.

"You know, I love you even if you have a third nipple" she caressed his free hand and the smile returned to his face.

"I know"

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><p><strong>Let's see... Each capital past or present it's represented, in the country body, by a nipple. Most of the country only ha two capitals in their past. In the case of Russia one nipple represents Moscow and the other Saint Petersburg. In the case of Spain one nipple represents Madrid and the other Toledo (capital of Spain until Philip the II)<strong>

**_Francisco Franco: _**He became a dictator in Spain after winning the Civil War against the Republicans in 1939. Hitler helped him with armament and soldiers as Stalin helped the Republicans. Valencia and Cataluña were the last places they took.

**_Frère:_ **brother in French

**_¡A buenas horas, mangas verdes!: _**It's a Spanish popular saying. You say this to someone when he cares for something when it's to late, the problem it's already soved or there is nothing you can do about it. It's like he is saying _you didn't care then and you care now that everithing it's over and I have solved the problem_. In this case Antonio says this to Fracis because during the Spanish Civil War France close its borders and denied the Republicans any help.


End file.
